9. Sunglasses - Forget these and you might miss a mortgage payment, or go blind. Either way, you don't want people knowing that you're looking at them, ever. Bring some sunglasses for some incognito action, and wear them at night while walking the course with a stick in your hand like a blind guy trying to slalom. That'll really psych out the competition.
8. Energy Drinks - Red Bull, Monster, or Chernobly. Don't fall asleep, ever.
7. A stack of $1 dollar bills - Hey, you never know. Crazy things happen with that much caffeine.
6. Umbrella - Let's face it. This is the single most important event for Autocrossers. Someone is going to get screwed by massive amounts of rain. If it's not you, at least don't get wet. If it's you, feel free to claim the tears are just raindrops hitting your eyes.
5. Eyedrops - You'll need an excuse if it's not raining during your heat, and to keep your eyes from drying out since you've forgotten your sunglasses already.
4. Paint scraper and heat gun - The surface at Lincoln is like a cheese grater to your tires. All the grated tire sticks to hot tires when you go fast, and the grated gum beads up and acts like a bearing for your tires, preventing you from having something called traction. Anyways, you're probably not going to be going fast enough to need these, but that doesn't mean you can't make some money scraping tires for relevant competitors. If you can't beat 'em, make money off 'em! Use those $1 dollar bills to make change since you don't want to show your tears of defeat to the strippers, and thus won't be using them otherwise.
3. A Smartphone - Smartphones have all sorts of uses, like being able to tell your friends about how bored you are at work while bored at work, and then updating it when you're bored at home! You'll also be able to watch the rain as it slowly comes in right in time for the second half of first runs in your heat, and dries out right as you come through the finish. You'll also be able to look up the top 10 list of things you've already forgot! Finally, you'll be able to look up the nearest establishment to drink away your sorrows.
2. Golf clubs - You're going to be out there a while, and you'll need a break from the constant exposure to high octane fuels. Why not play some golf where you can lie about how well you did to everyone who was too busy changing tires? Timing and scoring can't reach you on the course, so Mulligan away those drives that DNF (Did Not Fairway).
1. A car - Because I only had 9 things to think of before getting bored of making this list. Guess I should update FB to reflect that....
Trust me. I'm a professional.
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